Every story PNN has broadcast, in the order it aired. None of it happened.
Local Man Discovers His Reflection Filed for Divorce
Papers were served through the bathroom mirror shortly after seven.
22:12:12
City Council Votes to Make Tuesdays Retroactive
The measure applies to this past March and, officials stress, is not optional.
21:38:38
Scientists Confirm the Moon Has Been a Landlord This Whole Time
A thirty-day notice has been issued to Earth. Terms were not disclosed.
21:14:14
Man's Houseplant Achieves Middle Management
A local ficus was promoted following a strong third quarter.
21:45:45
Nationwide Shortage of Silence Enters Third Week
Reserves are depleted. Officials ask the public not to use any until further notice.
20:17:17
Local Woman's Shadow Files for Independence
The filing cites irreconcilable differences and seeks full custody of evenings.
19:12:12
Sentient Roomba Wins City Council Seat, Immediately Recuses Itself From Carpet Legislation
The councilmember cited a conflict of interest before taking the oath.
23:24:24
Study Finds Mondays Are, Legally Speaking, Optional
An opt-out form is available online. The state website is currently down.
19:45:45
Man Returns From Vacation to Find His Job Was Replaced by a Slightly Better Version of Himself
The replacement is well-liked, on time, and has already been promoted.
21:51:51
The Number Between Nine and Eleven Goes Missing
Authorities ask that it not be approached. Counting is expected to resume shortly.
23:13:13
Route 9 Closure Expected to Continue Through the Evening
Crews remain on site. The correspondent sent to the scene has not filed since.